my story

Grief is a part of living, and yet our society devalues & demeans the people who experience & express it.  And even when we as a society acknowledge grief or give “permission” to people to express the most superficial connection to it, it is often only “allowable” when it is connected to the loss to death of a person (in some communities, animals as well). But grief can happen after the loss of *anything*, a relationship, a way of life, illusions of control, beliefs around humanity, anything. You cannot be open to the human experience and avoid grief.   

 There is no way that we get through this pandemic without experiencing grief. The “normal” is dead. And while that’s not necessarily a bad thing (the status quo & all it’s inequities & injustices is what got us to this particular point in time), it’s still a loss, a loss that many of us are not given space & time to process. 

Grief reminds us that we’re alive, that we feel, that we are connected. Repressing grief doesn’t make it go away. Ignoring the possibility of loss doesn’t eliminate its inevitably.

Eroticizing Grief

Grief is subversive, undermining the quiet agreement to behave and be in control of our emotions. It is an act of protest that declares our refusal to live numb and small. There is something feral about grief, something essentially outside the ordained and sanctioned behaviors of our culture. Because of that, grief is necessary to the vitality of the soul. Contrary to our fears, grief is suffused with life-force. It is riddled with energy, an acknowledgment of the erotic coupling with another soul, whether human, animal, plant or ecosystem. It is not a state of deadness or emotional flatness. Grief is alive, wild, untamed and cannot be domesticated. It resists the demands to remain passive and still. We move in jangled, unsettled and riotous ways when grief takes hold of us. It is truly an emotion that rises from the soul."
-Francis Weller, Entering the Healing Ground: Grief, Ritual and the Soul of the World

If you’re familiar with my work, you know I don’t mean “making grief sexy”. My definition of erotic is “that which stimulates or is pleasing to the soul”. In this context, eroticizing grief means acknowledging & honoring our souls that birth such vital, transcendent, untameable force.

What would happen if we chose to look at grief differently? What if we could acknowledge the “erotic coupling with another soul” that underpins our loss? What if we allowed ourselves the space to let all the feelings come to the surface? What could it teach us about our potential for connection? How would we honor our desires? How will our understanding of “permanence” change?

This 3 hour event is a time to delve deep inside, to honor your grief and let it lead you where it will. Grieving in community is one of the best ways to experience it.

In this 3 hour ritual we use breath, and sound to allow our grief to rise to the surface. We will ask Grief “What can I learn from you?” We will investigate the sensuality of grief, honor it & let it lead us where it will. Grieving in community is one of the best ways to make friends with it & allow its teachings to come forth. Grieving in community reminds us that we are not alone, that we don’t have to be alone with these waves that seemingly threaten to unmoor us from ourselves. Grief is a part of being human, and connecting to our humanity is how we survive.